Navigating Change

If humans are plants, then mindfulness is phototropism, (the ongoing process of growing towards the light). Yet unlike plants, moving towards the light of change can be scary and complex.

I knew I wanted to be a nurse. Graduating at the top of my class, I landed a job at one of the best hospitals in the United States. Mission complete! Or so I thought. 

When COVID-19 arrived, I realized I wasn’t prepared for the fires I was repeatedly thrown into. Pride turned to fear and contentment was overtaken by anger. After only one year, I had nothing left to give. The job I thought would give me purpose and happiness felt like the complete opposite. So I quit.

The decision to leave was easy; what happened next was not.

I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was disillusioned, disappointed, and directionless. My life was dominated by feelings of numbness, resentment, fury, isolation, despair, guilt, sadness, and grief. No matter what I did, nothing helped me feel better. While scrolling mindlessly on TikTok, I saw a video of a therapist talking about a dark night of the soul. FINALLY! There was a name for what I was going through. 

Thus, I started to take my first steps on the path. I started as many 21st-century meditators do: learning about enlightenment on Youtube, reading a book by Thích Nhất Hạnh, meditating with Headspace and exploring my own psyche with a therapist. 

Although these tools helped, I began feeling bored over time. Something still felt like it was missing and I didn’t know if this feeling was ever going to go away.

When I heard about a class called Integrating Mindfulness with Clear Sky, I asked myself, ‘what have I got to lose?’ and dove right in. 

Right off the bat, this course was different. Instead of the vague, ‘watch your thoughts’ advice, it was precise. The depth of compassion and wisdom Karen and Duncan lovingly share cannot be captured in words. Even though I didn’t know them, I truly felt like they cared about me. 

Integrating Mindfulness is like a crash course that arms you with a wide array of tools and strategies you can use to improve areas of your life that are lacking. It’s up to you to pick the ones you need and leave the ones you don’t. The magic happens outside the virtual zoom room. 

But where the course really shines is that the tools, tips, tricks, and strategies actually work. 

Nowhere else in the mindful world had I been taught about the habit loop. I knew my bad habits were running the show, but I didn’t know how to stop them. I learned how to stop giving power to my habits and redirect them to patience and self-compassion instead. Integrating Mindfulness gave me the tools I needed to restructure my disassembled life. And then something special happened: my well-being started to come back.

When you feel lost in the world, it’s invaluable to hear other people verbalize the same challenges you’re up against. The course confirmed that I was going through something common, and that the way forward can be joyful. I began to see how I could take control of my time, my actions, and my life. I started to feel at ease again. Integrating Mindfulness gave me somewhere to aim. This time, I was aiming at the light, where awareness and happiness effortlessly reside within.

by Michael Loberger